The Importance of Self Care to the New Mother

Self care is important for everyone to practice, but it is especially important to the new mother. What is self care? Imagine that all your love, your sense of self, your pride, your joy, your happiness is in a cup. That cup is buried deep inside you and because we do not see it often, we forget it is there. Every time we selflessly help a friend out, stay late at work, do a favor even though we are exhausted we pour out a little bit of water from that cup. Suddenly it is empty, and we have no more love to give - to them or ourselves
(thanks to a Prenatal to Parenting workshop for the fabulous visual of self love!)

Self love is the revolutionary act of filling YOUR CUP first. Why is this so important for new mothers? Because as a new mom we want to, and indeed are taught to, give everything to our new child. We naturally want the best for them so we sacrifice sleep, warm meals, hot showers, phone calls, time alone.....everything! We pour everything into our new children, physically if we are breastfeeding too. Why could this become a problem? One day you will hit a wall my friend. You will slam into that wall so hard and have no idea how you got there or why, you will try to take care of your baby again and realize you have nothing left to give, for them or you. That my darlings is a recipe for disaster.

Some people are not comfortable with this idea of self care, they feel it is selfish, or they don't deserve it. That only means you need it more!We simply cannot be as present for our children or our spouse if we are not present with ourselves. One of the biggest lessons I learned from my experience of PPD was to practice more self care. Why is this particularly important for the NEW mother? Because self care is a skill, and we learn skills by doing and practicing. If you make this part of your lifestyle early on, you will thank yourself down the road when your toddler has found the permanent markers and colored on the wall with them (true story)

Use your body wisdom: are you sore, tired, tense, have tight muscles? Chances are you need some time to heal you!

This does not make you selfish.
This does not mean you do not care.
This does not mean you are a diva.
This does not mean you are a bad mother.

Practicing regular self care makes you an AWESOME mother! Both you and your child(ren) will thrive if YOU thrive. A happy mom = a happy baby!

Self care does not have to be a big production or a big cost. While a full day of pampering at the spa is nice, it's just not realistic for most of us. Small ways you can incorporate more self care into you day would be:

• paint your nails
• nap while baby naps
• eat a nutritious meal...while its still warm
• buy yourself a luxurious chocolate bar to savor once baby is asleep
• drink your coffee/tea while it is HOT, chores can wait
• read one article from that pile of magazines you have bought but never find time for
• go for a walk in nature
• turn off the TV and play some soothing music
• read a book
• grab a coffee with a fellow mommy and connect
• call a friend
• ask for a hug

How can YOU practice self care today? Leave a comment and tell me what you will do that is 100% purely for YOU MOMMA!

Runny Noses, Sore Boobs and a Chicken

Yup. That's pretty much what my life has come down to. Claire is SO SICK. I can't stress this enough, this is the WORST cold ever. The poor thing is up most of the night with a fever and is so congested its heartbreaking. Why can't kids be born knowing how to blow their nose?! Seriously, you'd think evolution would have figured that one out already. At any rate we are currently co-sleeping as its the only way she isn't miserable and I can get a bit of sleep. This means non-stop nursing. I currently feel as if sand paper was rubbed against my nipples all day long. Oh and the chicken? This momma is desperate to keep the germs at bay so I'm currently roasting a chicken with whole onions and an entire garlic bulb. Daddy is sick too...I hope my loves enjoy their home cooked medicine. Here is my yummy looking chicken about to go into the oven, I stuffed the skin with fresh herbs!

BoHo in the City: Nature is Everywhere

As a BoHo Mamma it can be hard living in the city sometimes. I miss the connection to the earth, to the plants and trees. When I was a kid I grew up in a quiet suburb of North Vancouver, BC. My back yard was a forest with a river running through it. MAGICAL! My toys were rocks, twigs, leaves, and dirt. My music was the sound of the river. My friends were salmon, birds, and squirrels. As a child I was fascinated with Native legends and I read all I could about Canada's first nation stories. They all revolved around nature, and respect for all that Mother Earth provides. These stories came to life for me as I ran around in the woods. To this day the smell of decomposing leaves on the forrest floor brings back strong memories. We recently moved into a new house in Surrey, which is a HUGE city. MASSIVE! I have been busy planting herbs and flowers in our back yard to create a calm place to worship Mother Nature for Claire. I want her to have those same memories I do. Yet I can offer her more then just our backyard, every city has beauty to it You just have to look for it.

Yesterday we found a wildlife conservation park, just 10 minutes away from our house. Inside the trees all you could hear was the chirping of birds. No cars, or sirens, or people. Just birds and the wind in the trees.

With fall slowly creeping up on us the smell of forest decay was everywhere.  This smell is beautiful to me, it is the smell of re-birth: the leaves decay to make rich soil so more trees and plants can grow. Simple lessons from Mother Nature if you are ready to listen with all of your senses.

Do you live in a city? A major urban center? I challenge you to seek out your own oasis, Mother Nature is everywhere. Just look at her stubbornly growing between the cracks in the side walk. That dandelion is a reminder, she is everywhere.

Relax...

I was asked a very good question today, what do I do to relax? What do I do in a day that is just for me? That brings me calm, a moment of quiet, a bit of zen. And the answer?

Not much.

How sad is that? I never fully realized it until just now. I think I am taking time for me but I am always multi-tasking at the same time. Us Moms are very good at that.

Or worse, as mentioned in this post, my idea of relaxing is dependant on a having some wine, which sabotoges my plans do to yoga or go for a run.

So now I am thinking...what can I do to relax? How can I find time for ME while caring for Claire? This is very hard to do now as we no longer live with family. In this new house, when Ryan is away on a business trip, I am truly alone with Claire. I havent made any friends yet, Claire isnt in daycare, it's a lot to juggle.

Caring for Claire
Cleaning the house
cooking
running errands
running a home business
grabbing a shower when I can

But relax? Not much of that happening. I am happy, I love my life and my new home, but I know I need to practice more self-care.Usually when I sit down to relax, I am beading a necklace for my shop. I find beading very relaxing, I love doing it, but again it's not JUST FOR ME.

What do you do to relax? Do you take time for yourself every day?

On Being a BoHo Mommy

I am a bit of an odd ball mom. I borrow from many different parenting styles and create my own form of motherhood...one that involves no shoes, lots of bare bums, letting my child climb things that "aren't safe" and generaly just trying to not stress about Claire's development. I'm a BoHo Mom. Or at least that is what I have dubbed myself. Some may say I follow "attachment parenting" but in fact I don't really. I don't co-sleep, and have dabbled in some sleep training (I'm sorry but waking EVERY HOUR on the HOUR was making me mental). I just don't like how black and white parenting has become. Or breastfeeding for that matter. You HAVE to do it this way or you are failing as a parent. Puh-lease. Life doesn't work that way. Life is full of COLORS, life is a rainbow; and parenting is an adventure. Why does motherhood have to be an all or nothing scenario?

I am currently typing this as I sit with a cold glass of wine (ooooohhhhh bad mommy) as I watch Claire play naked, totaly bucky. She has already peed on the floor once, no biggie. We got her potty and I put it down beside her. I watch her for cue's and when I think she needs to go we hop on the potty. It's a loose version of Elimination Communication and it works well for us. She goes potty 2-3 times a day and is barely 14 months old. I have been told "it's too early" I am going to "damage her kidneys" that I am "rushing her". All I care about is her having a positive association with the potty...not if I am following what some book says I should be doing.

Shoes. Don't even get me started on shoes. I am a firm believer that shoes hinder a childs ability to learn how to walk, to learn at their own pace that is. Children all over the world learn to walk without shoes, and they do just fine. What is it with our obsession about SHOES on a babies feet??? WHY? When a child takes those initial steps without shoes they can use there toes and flex their arches, finding their own balance. A child should feel the earth beneath their feet, the grass between their toes. Yes, there are times when it is not safe to be barefoot. But I get flak ALL THE TIME for this. Claire is doing just fine with her barefoot tootsies thank you very much! Daddy and I go barefoot all summer long, it's a family affair.

Claire's face is often messy, I let her choose her own clothes (yes at 13.5 months she has preferences) and I let her climb things that would make some moms faint. I watch her of course!!!!!! I do the climbing with her, she gets stuck, learns she cant get down, but I DONT do it for her. I let her solve her own problems. I feel she will learn what she is and isn't capable of, she will learn problem solving and cause and affect.

The process of becoming a mother, raising a child, watching her thrive, and learning to let her explore and grow on her own has also changed ME! It has given me the courage to let my true self out to play. My bohemian, laid back, low maintenance, hippy dippy self. I make more art, I follow the moon again, I am learning all about the healing powers of gemstones, I'm eating healthier food, I breathe, dance, smile, sing, and let my inner child out to play more. Or at least I try. Having the courage to let my child explore has given me the courage to explore my own life.

peace, love, and pickles

Time....

There never seems to be enough time. It has been so long since I blogged regularly and I do miss it, but where am I supposed to fit it in? It is so hard as a mother to do all that needs to be done and still keep a sense of SELF. There is the washing, the cleaning, the organizing, the meals, breastfeeding, diaper changes, play dates, more cleaning, laundry, bath time, book time, play time, nap time, bed time, teaching, mentoring, loving, paying bills, more cleaning, running errands....sometimes I feel like I am stuck in the movie "Groundhog Day". I wake up every day only to do it all over again, and again, and again. All of this while I also run a small business on the side. I do it with love, and most often with joy, but that is not to say it isn't draining. Where is the time for me? I know I need to do Yoga, eat better, drink more water, hoop more, meditate, journal. All of these things are ESSENTIAL for my happiness yet I need the spare TIME to do them in. As mom's I think we also have a tendency to feel guilty at anytime not spend on hearth, home, and baby. It's hard to take time for ourselves when there is a never ending to-do list waiting for us back home. I am trying desperately to find balance. How do you find it? What works for you?

Someone is Turning 1 Soon!

I can't believe it, even as I am typing this, but this Thursday my Claire Bear will turn ONE! Unbelievable! A whole year has gone by in the blink of an eye. It seems like just yesterday she was this tiny little pink think in an incubator in neo-natal intensive care. All I could do was put my finger into her tiny little hand and marvel at the perfection of her finger nails. This year has been full of exciting firsts and fun adventures. Watching Claire learn and grow brings me a joy that I never knew was possible. Rolling over, learning to crawl, clapping her hands, blowing kisses, and using baby sign language...my girl is SMART! When I see her master a new skill I want to throw a parade, yell at the top of my lungs, spread the joy to everyone! Some moms have asked me if I feel sad that she is entering her toddler years, that the baby time is slipping away. Sad? No I am not sad. I am proud. I am awed. I am loving every minute of watching her grow, change, learn. She makes me so proud

Remember to Stop and Smell the Roses

Wow! I have been so bad at blogging lately! Truth be told I was feeling a little overwhelmed. Sometimes I feel like there is this silent pressure on stay at home moms (SAHMs) especially those that blog, even more so those that craft. I see all these amazing posts on super active blogs and I think "why can't I be that good a mom?" I admit, I compare myself to other moms in the blog/craft world all the time. ALL-THE-TIME. No one wants to admit that but I know I am not alone. We compare ourselves to people all the time. In the grocery store line, walking down the street, in our televisions...but us moms are the WORST for it. I realized I was so busy trying to be a perfect mom that I was being a crappy mom. Ok maybe not crappy, but I was burnt out and no fun. So I have been trying to relax...take it easy...enjoy the wild ride that is parenthood. And not feel bad if I haven't crafted the perfect first Easter doo-dad for a child who is too young to even know what is going on. Today, I took Claire to the beach for the very first time. It was still a bit chilly but the sun was out, we fed the ducks, and enjoyed the day. Here are some snapshots from our simple yet perfect day.

On Cloth Diapering

Don't mind the carrot puree all over her face (blushes)

With return of my period I started thinking? I don't wear crappy pads why should Claire wear crapy diapers? Post-partum Depression made it hard in the beginning, and sadly I gave up...but I am back on Cloth Diaper (CD) train now! Lots of people think I am NUTS for CDing my daughter, do you? It's quite sad really, a new diaper arrives in the mail and I get so excited! They are just so fluffy and cute! Us CD mamma's even have a name for that, its FLUFFY MAIL! And it is the best kind of mail to get. Have you seen a cloth diaper recently? It is not what you have in mind, I assure you. CDs have come a long way in the past few years. Choice abounds! All sorts of colors, fabrics, and fun prints! Velcro or snaps, plain or crazy prints. Trust me, current cloth diapers are so cute you will want your little one to be in nothing but a diaper all day long!

My husband just rolls his eyes at me, he thinks I am nuts. "Babe, they are shit catchers" but I guarantee you if I came home with a Star Wars diaper he would hit the roof! But CDs arent just cute, they are economical and environmental too!

First the economics! Yes the initial set up costs of CD are higher, but in the end you save so much money! How much? Try nearly $3, 500 by the time your child is potty trained!My start up costs for CD were $200, and that is it (I bought 25 diapers mostly second hand). They will last me until Claire is potty trained, and because they are cloth I can wash them and re-sell them to another mom in need re-couping some of my costs. Where as those disposables will still be taking up space in a land fill.

It's about more then money and cute prints though....it's for the earth too! Did you know it takes a single disposable diaper nearly 500 YEARS to decompose and that is only if it is in ideal conditions? As in on its own, not squished in with a billion other diapers and inside a plastic bag. Cloth diapers can last through multiple children, and with the proper care and washing will not stain and can be passed on to others.

Now I ask you, who is nuts here?

10 Months

I am in awe of how fast this child grows...BEFORE MY EYES! Every day there is something new and exciting. I thought I would be sad to see her grow, but I am too busy having fun and being PROUD! She is such a happy, interactive, and social baby. She giggles, she babbles, she has funny quirks and mannerisms. She is becoming her own person, and I love every minute of it

Post-Partum Depression: Surving and Thriving

It seems like not that long ago that I wrote a post admitting I had post-partum depression...and here I am now, on the other side. YES it does get better. YES that crushing weight on your chest will go away. YES you will be able to look at your child with joy and wonder again. I know this because I lived this.

To be honest I got a lot of flak for writing that post. Emails were sent to me via my contact page asking why I would share such private details with the world? Why did I think it OK to use depression as a chance to grab more readers? REALLY!?!?! I kept quiet about these emails initially because I was still reeling from what I had been through, but now I feel the need to tackle them head on.

I write about PPD because IT NEEDS TO BE TALKED ABOUT. Women experiencing this need to know they are not alone, and that it can come in many forms. I can't tell you how many mom's I have met who didn't recognize the signs. I recently met a mother whose children were delayed because she DIDN'T TALK TO THEM. How might that mothers experience have been different had she realized what was happening to her? That she wasn't alone?

I am living proof that it does get better. I remember writing this post on what joy motherhood brought me, I was on top of the world. The ironic thing is that it wasn't long after, that my world started to crumble apart. I was scared, anxious, not eating, not interacting with Claire enough....totally overwhelmed. It was thanks to the wonderful women at The Pacific Postpartum Society that I was able to realize what was going on, and get the help that I so desperately needed. It is a group support system. Meaning MOTHERS TALK. They share their experiences, survival tips, and sorrow.

I owe my life to those women.

So to be quite frank with you, if you don't like a blog full of honesty, truth, inspiration, and love....well then don't read this blog. At the end of the day I truly hope that my writing has made a difference in even just one woman's life.

peace, love, and pickles

On Being a Stay At Home Mom...

When people comment on how it can't be "that hard" to be a stay at home
Mom (SAHM) they clearly have no idea what they are talking about. Ok maybe they are just ignorant, but it irks me to no end when I hear that!

First off without the unpaid labor done in the home, the economy would collapse. Seriously, I am not exaggerating. COLLAPSE! Capitalism depends on the unseen/unpaid labor of domestic home makers. Think about it...laundry, cooking, cleaning, budgeting, breastfeeding, diaper changing, potty training, getting up at 2am for one more "glass of water" all of these things are unpaid labor. Don't for a minute doubt that it is work!

And yes, before someone interjects Dads to this work too, sometimes, but I think we can agree by and large that this work is most often done by mothers. By women! Not only does this invisible work allow it to be possible for a family to work and pay its bills, but often mothers are doing this ON TOP of working outside the home...and not getting paid any extra. In fact women on average make .75 to every $1 a man makes.

Now I ask you, how is this fair? With all of these factors in mind how can someone think it is "easy" to be a SAHM? I am certainly no Peggy Bundy over here!

Motherhood Monday: I'm a Bad Momma

I believe you need to "Eat pec a dirt before you die" (family saying)
I practice baby led weaning and let Claire feed herself
There is a stuffy in her crib, and I don't worry she will suffocate
I am that mother whose child is out with one sock on their foot
I breastfeed...and I drink wine GASP!

Because I'm too busy loving my daughter and loving life, I would rather be a bad momma.

What about u?

Children and Televison

I found this video FASCINATING! Now I will admit, I am not crazy strict about TV in my household, Claire has seen some television here and there. With that said it is closely monitored, and she is certainly not plunked down in front of the TV as a distraction! I feel that television is far to overstimulating for such a young mind, that it could possibly make child like play suddenly seem boring in comparison. I mean how could you not find building with blocks boring after watching Sponge Bob Square Pants zoom around all day? I have always feared that the overstimulated affects of television could spill over into how a child plays, and if they will enjoy simply BEING.


I recently watched this very informative video on TED and it echoed my thoughts EXACTLY! I would encourage you all to watch it, and please feel free to discuss this topic in the comment section below. What are your thoughts on children and television?

Baby Claire 9 Months Old

9 freaking months! Can you believe it? I can't. Only 3 more months until my baby turns 1.....ONE! As in I will have a 1 year old!!!! OH EM GEEEE!

It has been a while since I did a Claire update, I thought one was long overdue! She is doing great, growing like a weed and EXHAUSTING her mother. Her two bottom teeth have come in, making for all sorts of silly grin photos.

Last time I blogged about Claire she wasn't really crawling too much, well that all changed! In the past 2 weeks Claire has become more and MORE mobile! She is crawling everywhere and pulling up on every piece of furniture in site. She is VERY proud of herself too

She is still a breastfeeding champ and although we are doing solids she still breastfeeds 8-10 times a day. I am glad for this, I love our special time...especially given that it is one of the few times a day when she is calm and still. Although there has been many attempts at gymnastic feats while attached to my breast.

She signed back to me for the first time the other day! When she was done eating I asked her if she was all done, and she did our sign back for it! She also says momma, and Hi Dadda a lot....a lot because Daddy is away pretty much every other week. It's sad, and we miss him, and I am really REALLY tired.

She also learned a new trick the other day that she is really proud of, see for yourself ;)

Would You Feed Your Baby A Bowl of Sugar? I Didn't Think So....

One of the most common first foods a baby eats is white rice cereal. Parents feed this to their babes thinking it is simple, gentle, pure and easily digested when in fact it is anything but. White rice cereal is broken down to very simple carbohydrates, which to a tiny baby is the equivalent of eating a bowl full of sugar! There is no nutritional content to it whatsoever, given that it is white rice that has been processed and stripped. Why do you think it has been "fortified"?

A babies first food should be REAL FOOD! WHOLE FOOD! Food that doesn't need vitamins and minerals added to it because it naturally has them. Claire's first baby food was yams, a very nutrient rich food. Followed by whole grain organic oatmeal cereal. Watch this informative video, and please feel free to discuss this in the comment section below!



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An Iphone Photoshoot of my Little Darling

The other day Claire and I spent a couple hours just laying on my bed in the afternoon sun...playing, giggling, breastfeeding and cuddling. It was bliss. I decided to take advantage of her awesome mood and do a mini Iphone photo shoot for you all, I can't believe how much she has grown! 8 months old now....the bug is growing too fast! Slow down little bug, slow down

"You Let Your Baby Put What In Her Mouth?!"

Adventures in Modified Baby Led Weaning

Pinch! Pinch! Pinch! So Claire's pinch reflex is getting pretty damn good. In fact it is so good that her new favorite game now is to pull herself off my breast, give my nipple the hairy eyeball, and pinch it between her index finger and thumb. OUCH! I bare the battle scars to prove it. So given that her pinch reflex clearly works I thought it was time to try her out with some finger foods, and I went one step further....modified baby led weaning (BLW).

What the f*** is BLW you may ask? Well let me tell you! BLW is when you let your child feed themselves, completely. As in here yah go kiddo, PLUNK! Food goes on the tray and you just hope and pray that some gets in their mouth. No purees here folks! Get the camera ready because it makes for some GREAT photos. Yet I am also a very A-type mommy, I am just not OK guessing with quantities of what goes in my babies system. That and well, to be honest, I am selfish. The kid just plain sleeps better with a nice full tummy! Hell, I know I do. That and I don't enjoy watching Claire's gag reflex kick in. Some BLW advocates will tell you it is part of the process yadda yadda yadda. But it just freaks the shit out of me.

Enter MODIFIED BLW

I always start every meal with a few spoonfuls of pureed food that I have made myself. After a couple successful bites I let Claire take the spoon, her aim is really quite impressive! Once I know some solids have gotten into her the fun starts. I give her large chunks of soft food that she can experiment with...and more often then not she gets it to her mouth! I was surprised!

Claire is also going through what appears to be a very strong independent phase, where she wants to do everything her self. This helps me make sure she is getting the nutrition she needs. It is also useful for when a baby is teething, they can be reluctant to eat so why not put the power in their hands for a bit and let them go at their own pace?

So far we have experimented with:

avocado
bannana
yams
rice puffs
salmon

For the record salmon is a great one to try as it naturally flakes off into tiny soft bite sized pieces in their mouth! Perfect!

What do you think about BLW? Would you try it in either form? Do you let your kids play with their food?

Mommy Tips From the Trenches: Get Some Mommy Friends

source

One of the best pieces of advice I can give you, aside from sticking with breastfeeding because it is so worth it, would be to ditch the parenting books. You hear me, ditch em. OK maybe not all of them, but do you really need every book on babies and parenting ever written? One good solid reference book is enough, because lets face it there are some important things you should be able to look up when in need: fevers, allergic reactions, illness etc. But in general everything I learned about parenting has been from OTHER MOMS! Mom's who have either been there, or are in the exact same boat I am in. We trade notes, swap stories, and share tips. The plethora of baby books I had just started to confuse me as they all said different things about breastfeeding, introducing solids, sleep, and play time.

I joined a mommy group. We meet every Thursday and it is lead by an AMAZING knowledgeable lactation consultant and mother advocate. Each week we discuss important issues relating to parenting/babies in a round table way, with each mother sharing her stories and battle scars. I have learned more from that group and those moms than ANY BOOK! So take it from me, save yourself the $20 and don't buy that latest and greatest trendy baby book, get some mommy friends instead!

I Hit a Wall and my Husband Put Me Back Together...

This week I am thankful for my husband, yet again. Claire was a wreck last week, and my mood took a DIVE for the worst. When I don't sleep my postpartum depression spirals out of control. I was up until 1am for several nights in a row with anxiety and was a wreck most of the time. Last Monday my husband put Claire down for a nap, ordered me to bed to rest, brought me a sandwich and a cup of tea. When I was done my snack he handed me an eye mask and earplugs and told me to nap. Geeeeeeee, uhm not going to argue with that logic!

 Thank God for my man. Every woman/mother should have a Ryan in their back pocket.

PS: On an UBER plus note....Claire is sleeping better now! A sleep post coming soon!