Tuesday, July 10, 2012

On Being a BoHo Mommy


I am a bit of an odd ball mom. I borrow from many different parenting styles and create my own form of motherhood...one that involves no shoes, lots of bare bums, letting my child climb things that "aren't safe" and generaly just trying to not stress about Claire's development. I'm a BoHo Mom. Or at least that is what I have dubbed myself. Some may say I follow "attachment parenting" but in fact I don't really. I don't co-sleep, and have dabbled in some sleep training (I'm sorry but waking EVERY HOUR on the HOUR was making me mental). I just don't like how black and white parenting has become. Or breastfeeding for that matter. You HAVE to do it this way or you are failing as a parent. Puh-lease. Life doesn't work that way. Life is full of COLORS, life is a rainbow; and parenting is an adventure. Why does motherhood have to be an all or nothing scenario?

I am currently typing this as I sit with a cold glass of wine (ooooohhhhh bad mommy) as I watch Claire play naked, totaly bucky. She has already peed on the floor once, no biggie. We got her potty and I put it down beside her. I watch her for cue's and when I think she needs to go we hop on the potty. It's a loose version of Elimination Communication and it works well for us. She goes potty 2-3 times a day and is barely 14 months old. I have been told "it's too early" I am going to "damage her kidneys" that I am "rushing her". All I care about is her having a positive association with the potty...not if I am following what some book says I should be doing.

Shoes. Don't even get me started on shoes. I am a firm believer that shoes hinder a childs ability to learn how to walk, to learn at their own pace that is. Children all over the world learn to walk without shoes, and they do just fine. What is it with our obsession about SHOES on a babies feet??? WHY? When a child takes those initial steps without shoes they can use there toes and flex their arches, finding their own balance. A child should feel the earth beneath their feet, the grass between their toes. Yes, there are times when it is not safe to be barefoot. But I get flak ALL THE TIME for this. Claire is doing just fine with her barefoot tootsies thank you very much! Daddy and I go barefoot all summer long, it's a family affair.

Claire's face is often messy, I let her choose her own clothes (yes at 13.5 months she has preferences) and I let her climb things that would make some moms faint. I watch her of course!!!!!! I do the climbing with her, she gets stuck, learns she cant get down, but I DONT do it for her. I let her solve her own problems. I feel she will learn what she is and isn't capable of, she will learn problem solving and cause and affect.

The process of becoming a mother, raising a child, watching her thrive, and learning to let her explore and grow on her own has also changed ME! It has given me the courage to let my true self out to play. My bohemian, laid back, low maintenance, hippy dippy self. I make more art, I follow the moon again, I am learning all about the healing powers of gemstones, I'm eating healthier food, I breathe, dance, smile, sing, and let my inner child out to play more. Or at least I try. Having the courage to let my child explore has given me the courage to explore my own life.

peace, love, and pickles

10 comments:

  1. I'm a foster Mum to a 13 year old boy so it's slightly different but the thing I'm learning is that it's up to me as a Mum (or Chris as Foster Dad) to make the choice. We both base our "parenting" style on what our parents did for us. There doesn't seem to be a book out there that covers becoming a foster parent to a teenager when you're in your mid/late twenties. I'm 26! Our Sidekick is 13 - for me to be his Mum I'd have been 13 - that's crazy! I am pretty sure I'd only had my first boyfriend by that point and I still thought they were a bit icky - then again I'm 26 and boys are still icky lol.

    Anyway it's your choice! You wouldn't do certain things if you thought Claire was at risk you'd change them - clearly you've weighted it up in your own mind and it works so ignore the commentary.

    The bit about "damaging her kidneys" if she uses the potty too early - how does that work? Actually surely she's better off because the wee/poo that would be in her nappy isn't irritating her bottom - or does that not make sense?

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    1. Makes perfect sense! Diaper free time is so good for babes and their bottoms! PS: I think you are amazing for being a foster mommy, I am a former foster child myself

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  2. this is a great post kami. im not sure if you have ever heard me talk about my fears of having a child or not... but the fear has been very strong ever since i lost my mom. i was realizing just yesterday, that a part of my fear is all the crap talk i see everyday online from people about how to raise their kids. it seems like we are living in such a space right now that everyone has their own superior opinions about child-raising, and about what is right and wrong for how to live in general. it is so white and black for some. and so extreme in so many cases.

    i think its a wonderful thing for someone to embrace who they are as an individual and as a mother... but it seems like people get so stuck on their way of doing things, that they start to view people who dont do it that way as 'not good enough', or something.

    anyway, its nice to see you on this journey of motherhood. and embracing it for what it is for you.

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    1. Thank you darlin! Yes motherhood is a wonderful time for growth, it is also a scary ride at times! I had a lot of the same fears, I grew up with an abusive mother so I was terrified I would come out the same way!

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  3. Foster parents are GREAT! I was a foster kid, props mamma!

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  4. Great post. I'm so sick of hearing people bash others for the parenting choices they make. TAKE A FREAKING CHILL PILL.
    No matter what you choose to do someone is always going to have an opinion. Guess what, my kid doesn't wear shoes almost ever, I let her feed herself, she uses the potty sometimes and she drink cow's milk. We did sleep training and I let her play by herself in her playpen on occasion (WHAT?!). Her face is rarely clean, I let her climb and touch and play, she's had all her shots but I rarely sanitize things when we're out (OH THE HORROR). You know what else? She's happy, she's only been sick twice in over a year, she has a healthy appetite and is growing like a weed.

    When people try to say something about my parenting I just smile and nod and toss whatever they said straight out the other ear. Keep doing what you're doing mama!

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    1. We have a family saying on Ryan's saide "gotta eat a pec a dirt before yah die" LOL! Claire has eatin her air share lololol!!!!!!!!

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  5. O.m.g!!! Did someone actually tell you were going to damage her kidneys?! That is friggen hilarious!! That person clearly has no idea how kidneys function!! Talk about fear mongering and quilt tripping, geeze! Boho style all the way. I can tell ya there's plenty of research out there that supports your intuitive parenting style

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  6. Yep. My parenting. I agree on all of these. Joey and I just had a conversation about shoes just recently as well. :D

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