Body Love and Self Worth: Let's Talk

I will admit it, I was so naive. I thought I'd have a baby, I'd breastfeed, get back to jogging, and the weight would just fall off. Then reality slapped me in the face. I am not going to lie, I may be all about empowerment and natural living etc etc etc...but I fall victim to the body image trap too. I am currently carrying around and extra 30 pounds of baby weight, and I am NOT enjoying it. There are days were it bothers me so much, I feel so ugly, that it honestly takes away from my enjoyment of life. But then I see Claire, she will smile at me, my heart will melt, and Ill realize that it doesn't matter. I made a BABY! I need to be more patient with myself, gentle, loving, supportive. And so I write this blog post on body image and self love. Because we all need to hear it from time to time.

What I see in the mirror:

My body after having a baby feels like I am a piece of road kill, all stretched out of shape, smoooshy, and left by the side of the road. Ugh. My big, round, beautiful belly is now just a burden of extra weight. My breasts, and thighs have a map of stretch marks. My pubic area bares a 6 inch long scar from my c-section.The extra weight around my belly and hips throws my back out often, and my posture is now poor.

BUT

I am curvier now, ZAFTIG! I never had hips, or much of a womanly shape until now. My breasts are full and give life to my beautiful daughter....and they make a few of my shirts look really kick ass! Also, I don't have stretch marks, I have battle scars. Men go off to war, women birth babies. These are my scars and I know I should wear them with pride. (OK I know women go off to war too, I just always liked that saying)

Also, on a side note here. Whoever first told me I will loose weight because of breastfeeding, damn you! Liar liar pants on fire! Sure I burn calories, and that helps, but it just keeps me at the same weight nothing more nothing less. All the calories I burn breastfeeding Claire go towards the extra food I have to eat, to breastfeed Claire. I honestly feel that bottle feeding mamma's have more time to exercise and eat well. You can give your baby to daddy or gramma and know they will/can feed her. I don't have this luxury. Hell not even for a nap! Claire simply will not take a bottle, from anyone. Le sigh

I need to love myself more, look in the mirror and see a strong mamma whose beauty radiates from within. I need to stop comparing myself to others, but it is SO hard. There are some mommy-bloggers out there who are so put together! Perfect little outfits, face full of makeup, cute hair AND regular blog posts?! WTF? How do they do it? I cannot compare myself to that because it simply isn't right for everyone. I have decided that as nice as they are in real life, I am sure they must be aliens visiting from another a planet. Stephord wife aliens. For shizzle. With full time alien makeup artists.

And so I walk. I walk everywhere I can to loose the weight and clear my head. I smile. I smile at myself in the mirror and at my baby Claire every moment. I dont want her to grow up with a mom ashamed of her body...that is not the role model I want to be for my child. I love myself, have patience with myself, and know that the rest will follow.