Monday, July 4, 2011

Breasts, Boobies, Ta-Ta's, Knockers, Titties, Gazoonga's


Call em what you want, once you have a baby your entire relationship with your breasts will forever change. As will they. Breastfeeding is hard, it is a very natural thing, but it does not come easy. At least not for all of us. Most women I have spoken with feel the same, it is rare to meet a woman who says it was easy for them. IT IS WORK! I will be honest with you, this time last week I nearly gave up. I was exhausted, Claire never seemed satisfied and she was CONSTANTLY at my breast. It just seemed like no matter how much she ate she wasn't getting enough out of me. I had to top her up with bottles or have to deal with her screaming all the time. It broke my heart every time I gave her a bottle. Seriously. It was like a little piece of me died each time.

Why isn't she getting enough from me?

Why cant I satisfy her needs?

And then the "nipple confusion" started. There are people out there who will tell you there is no such thing, hell I doubted it at first. She seemed fine bouncing between breast and bottle as needed and then one day that all changed. She started madly wiggling her head back and forth, unable to latch onto me OR the bottle, crying, frustrated, clearly confused. It was HELL. No matter what I offered her now she was upset.

Oh my God I never should have brought in bottles

What have I done, will she ever breastfeed?

That is when I went to see a lactation consultant. Please take my advice, if you ever have ANY problems breastfeeding GET THEE TO A LACTATION CONSULTANT! They are amazing! They are specially trained in just that one thing, and will save your sanity! I learned so much I nearly cried with relief. I was given a prescription for a medication to bring in more milk as it was deemed that I was behind Claire due to my surgical recovery and that we were not able to establish breastfeeding for several days after her birth. I hate taking unnecessary medication, but taking it was THE BEST choice I could have made. Suddenly I had a different child.

She was calm, fed, happy

She slept better

SHE GREW!

I stopped looking at the clock, stopped timing the feeds and worry about how many times she ate in a day, stopped madly pumping. I relaxed. I learned, breathed, and focused on loving my baby. I fed her on demand and learned to recognize her patterns and cues.

Words cannot describe the joy and satisfaction I felt at finally being able to satisfy my baby.  I started breastfeeding her everywhere! Walking in the garden, while cleaning the house, in a sling, and my most recent favorite...in Kensington Market on a recent visit to Ontario.



For those of you that dont know it Kensington Market is the hippy, BoHo, alternative, artsy fartsy centre of Toronto. I LOVE IT! I spent all my spare time there while living in Toronto. Healthy food, vintage shops, awesome coffee and street festivals....it is my lil slice of heaven. Claire got fussy and hungry as I walked through the market and so I found a bench and sat down to nurse her in the sunshine....bliss. Pure and utter bliss. I watched the world pass me by, no one minded me nursing in public, and I felt empowered to be doing so. I even had one woman with her 2 year old son come up and ask if it was ok if she explain to him what I was doing. A beautiful moment.

Breastfeeding is HARD, really really hard. Do not fool yourself into thinking that something so natural, comes naturally to you. It won't. You and your baby will have to learn how to do this together. Your breasts will hurt, your nipples will burn, you will be frustrated, tired, overwhelmed. You will want to give up. But don't. Trust me when I say it does get better. It gets beyond better, it becomes BEAUTIFUL. My breastfeeding sessions with Claire are full of calm, joy, peace, love and bonding. I wouldn't trade them for the world and I already know that I will miss that special time once she is weened.

3 comments:

  1. Hi Kamika :) Thanks for sharing your breastfeeding journey. My son is now 4 and i look back on those milky days with a smile. proud of myself that i too stuck it out because it is sooo worth it. It took 5 or so weeks before we both had it all worked out and i successfully breastfed for 20 months. The lactation consultants and well as the national breastfeeding association here in Australia are fantastic and a great support. Breastfeeding really is a learned skill and its hard but one of the most beautiful things a mother can experience and do for their child :) You probably already know this but every few weeks you will have a day (24-48 hours) or so where your Beautiful Claire Bear will constantly want to feed all day- go with it, she's having a growth spurt and is bringing in more milk and it will settle down soon. Hope that helps, it sure put my mind at ease. I'm expecting my 2nd baby in 14 weeks and can't wait. Love your blog xoxo

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  2. Kamika, yes yes yes! Lactation consultants are brilliant! So glad I didn't feel any pride or fear about taking myself to one when my little one was two weeks old. As it was, I was going to give up (it was so damn painful from previous grazing) when she was 6 weeks old and again at 10 weeks. Soooooo glad I persevered. She self-weaned at 14 months. It was painful but ultimately blissful and I'm so proud of both of us for sticking it out. ..Umm.. so to speak!

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  3. thank you for saying it's difficult! i have had interesting breasfeeding journeys for my three babies, currently enjoying feeding my final bubba. I too love finding a sunny spot to feed, very relaxing. :)

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