Monday, September 26, 2011

Motherhood Monday: YES you are good enough

At the various mommy groups I go to I hear a lot of doubt, self-doubt that is. So many mommies out there wondering if they are good enough at being a mom, being a wife, being a woman, being a friend. Not that I don't have my moments to, but in general to be truly honest with you...I don't doubt. I just do. I do what feels right and feels best for me and my baby. A long as she is happy, coo'ing, kicking, and sleeping well at night I figure I am doing a bang up job! As far as my "wifely" duties, ahem, I don't stress about that too much either. I am blessed with a wonderfully supportive hubby, and have felt no pressure to get my sexy panties back on before I am ready to wear 'em. I hear so many new mom's saying their husbands are getting"antsy" that "they have needs" and sometimes they just "close their eyes and do it". Honestly, hearing that makes me SO SAD! These are the same moms who worry they aren't playing enough with their child, that they don't have them in enough classes, that they aren't busy enough. Honey child, there is only so much time in a day! And when 95% of that time is spent with a baby in your arms, on your breast, crying for your love and attention...well frankly it is hard to make time for much else, let alone "desire" someone else to be all up in your personal space. It can be a downright claustrophobic feeling! You need time for YOURSELF too, time to breathe, and just be. The rest well come naturally and with time. So you know what momma's?

  • stop the yummy mommy competition
  • stop the self doubt
  • listen to your gut
  • know that as long as your child is happy you are doing ENOUGH
I have also been hearing from some mom's in these groups that they want to be more then just a stay-at-home mom. That they feel devalued. The feminist in me enters these conversations with such trepidation! Oi vey! I understand the need/want for more, to be more then just a milk factory. Putting ones life and career on hold while they watch their partners surge forward can be very difficult. And frankly who am I to talk at only 4 months in? But honest, what we are doing is the MOST amazing thing ever! It is more rewarding than any career, we are raising a human being! The next generation of loving, caring, citizens that could CHANGE THE WORLD! How does that not inspire you? Motivate you? Make you feel proud? I know it does for me! I love staying home with Claire, and I feel so very blessed that I am able to and that here in Canada I am paid to do so for an entire YEAR!  It is, in my opinion, very feminist to stay home and raise your children right. To teach them love, tolerance, patience, and understanding. To teach them right from wrong, that things like hate, racism and sexism have no place in this world. That baby girls can grow up to be doctors/lawyers/truck drivers and baby boys can become artists/dancers/poets/cooks...ANYTHING THEY WANT TO BE! What can possibly be more feminist or progressive then that?


  1. I couldn't imagine having to go back to work when Jake was 6 weeks old, it is totally amazing we get a whole year! Remember when women always stayed home with their kids? Wouldn't it be nice....

  2. i hope to stay home for a couple years if we can afford to go past mat leave. daycare is expensive in vancouver!!

  3. I couldn't agree more Kamika! I actually am far from being a new mom with a 21, 18 and 10 year old...all girls, but I still fight for that ALONE time. I've had my doubts before, especially when dealing with teen-age dilemmas, but all in all, we are who we are and as long as your children are getting the things that they need and you are doing your best and our children are happy and healthy...then why doubt yourself? Right?

    I hate to say it but men don't understand...they really don't. When they were bachelors, what did they do when they had no significant other? Enough said. I rest my case. Let them figure it out. Nobody dies from a lack of sex.

    And for our growing children. We need to nurture their interests and support them along the way. Even if they try 30 different things before they find their niche, it's something we need to do.

    That's what being a "good" mom is about!

    Love this post Kamika

  4. Thank you!!!! Glad you enjoyed it!

  5. Well said. I hope a lot of Moms all over the world who are currently grappling with self-doubt issues get to read your post now and get inspired.

  6. Amen Sister! so glad to hear that you're not over thinking and worrying and i totally 100% couldn't agree more with you! keep it up!

  7. Very true. Us Mummies should be a support to one another, also. Far too often mothers groups breed competition which leads to self doubt.

  8. Such a joy to read your contentment. I have no time for self doubt! I just have to get on with things. My goal is to parent more consciiously in 2012. Less reflex, more planned. I think my kids deserve that. Thanks for Rewinding x