All my life I have longed to be good at something. To find that one thing that was uniquely me. I tried it all: drawing, painting, photography, writing, yoga, running, singing, activism, meditation, cooking...you name it I tried it. But I never excelled at anything, I was always just ok, or good. The whole time I was looking for my hidden talents I was also looking for the missing puzzle piece. I'd wake up most mornings and honestly my first thought of the day was "is this all there is?" I felt that there had to be something else, something more, but I had no idea what! My search for this often made me very depressed, because I always came up empty. It was like no matter what I tried or did it was never enough. Something always felt wrong. And now I know what it was...
I was meant to do this.
I was meant to be a mother.
I no longer wake up in the morning wondering if "this is all there is". I gave up searching for the missing puzzle piece. I found it the minute Claire was put on my chest after her birth, as I lay in recovery chanting Claire's name over and over in my head as a mantra until I could finally be with her.